1. can you do a video for my band?
it depends. please contact me.
2. can you do a video for my band? by the way, we have no money. like none.
seriously. we can maybe scrape together a few hundred bucks, but even that
would be pushing it.
it depends. if i really like your band, and the people therein, and I have the
time, then I will happily do a video for you your band for no, or very little
money. however, there are many caveats:
a. no I am not going to shoot on film. what do i look like? howard hughes? made
of money? is that what you think?
b. no I am not going to shoot on a high end HD digital camera. what, you think
rental houses just give their expensive cameras away for anyone to use for
whatever they want? you think that once it's in the camera no further expenses
are going to be incurred? what do i look like? howard hughes? made of money? is
that what you think?
c. no I am not going to do a job that requires A LOT of art direction or a
location that you have your heart set on that will require a lot of money. what
do i look like? howard hughes? made of money? is that what you think?
d. I am not going to do a job that requires the services of a large crew. they
got families to feed and cars to put gas in. but what i will do, is to the best
of my ability with no resources, try to make you the best video I can, even if
it causes many hardships, such as spiritual despair, unbearable physical pain,
and emotional genocide. an explanation: despite the never having made his
acquaintance, i am longtime aficionado of steve albini. in high school, rather
then cultivating experiences that could become fond memories that could be
exploited for comfort later in life, i instead opted to obsessively listen to
records (of which albini's big black played a portion), read novels whose
inevitably bleak endings nicely reinforced my pessimistic worldview, and
watching foreign films. as you can imagine, this type of behavior was not
conducive to having a girlfriend at catholic school in rural northern
california in the mid nineties. one of the things i admired about albini, in
addition to his exemplary recording methods, was the way he went about charging
his fees. if he loved a band and was friends with the members thereof, he would
record their records for very little money, or maybe even free. however, if a
band was on a bigger label, he would charge for his services accordingly. i
attempt to have an analogous strategy to the lowly vocation of filmmaking.
there is, of course, a major hurdle; mr. albini could take freely available
equipment and record a comparable product, despite the difference in respective
budgets. filmmaking doesn't work like that. there are many wonderful things
that cleverness and careful planning can accomplish, but there are also other
things that are impossible to accomplish without money. so, if you'd like me to
do a music video for your band and you have no money and are on no label, or a
tiny label that does not have the resources to pay for a video, feel free to
contact me, and if i like the band, and if i have the time, i'll see what i can
3. hey, what are some of your favorite movies?
these are subject to change and are off the top of my head, with many
unreasonable inclusions and idiotic exclusions:
The World's Greatest Sinner (Carey, 1962), L'Argent (Bresson,
1983), The Conformist (Bertolucci, 1970), The Haunting (Wise,
1963), Seconds (Frankenheimer, 1966), Modern Romance (Brooks,
1981), Gun Crazy (Lewis, 1949), Carnal Knowledge (Nichols, 1971),
The Wild Bunch (Pekinpah, 1969), Sorcerer (Freidkin, 1977), Pierre
and Staci (LeMemeire, 1952), Danger Diabolik (Bava, 1968), Badlands
(Malick, 1973), Kiss Me Deadly (Aldrich, 1955), I Kill, And I Die!
(Lautar, 1942), R.O.T.O.R. (Blaine, 1989), Snitch'd (Cahill,
2003). The Exterminating Angel (Bunuel, 1962), My Way Home (Jansco,
1965), Sunrise (1927, Murnau), The Devil's Concubine (Nahill,
1947), Infra Man (Hua, 1975), Peeping Tom (Powell, 1960), Ugetsu
Monogatari (Mizoguchi, 1953), Winchester '73 (Mann, 1963), Point
Blank (Boorman, 1967), Uzumaki (Higuchinsky, 2000), Sonatine
(Kitano, 1993), The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (Ford, 62)
4. hey, what are some of your favorite songs?
These are subject to change and this is off the top of my head, with many
unreasonable inclusions and idiotic exclusions.
5. hey, what are some of your favorite books?
THE KINKS strangers
SOLGER raping dead nuns
DRUNKS WITH GUNS wonderful subdivision
MERCY BABY pleadin'
BRAINBOMBS no place
HARRY PUSSY the white improvisor
THE NORMAL warm leatherette
THE BIRTHDAY PARTY the friend catcher
STICK MEN WITH RAY GUNS i'll kill mother
ERNIE CHAFFIN i'm lonesome
ROGER MILLER my uncle used to love me but she died
COUNTRY TEASERS please ban music/gegen alles
PUSSY GALORE kill yourself
JODY REYNOLDS endless sleep
THE SCIENTISTS human jukebox
THE FALL muzorewi's daughter
KALIEDSCOPE jenny artichoke
REV. LONNIE FARRIS wandering child mother is dead
SLADE gudbye t'jane
ELECTRIC EELS refrigerator
DANIELS-DEASON SACRED HARP SINGERS hallelujah
DESPERATE BICYCLES smokescreen
URINALS male masturbation
CHROME electric chair
ZOMBIES hung up on a dream
LIARS there's always room on the broom
FLIPPER sex bomb
CAN turtles have short legs
MARS helen fordsdale
THE REBEL hitlers and churchills
BIG STAR september gurls
THEM my lonely sad eyes
THE CRAMPS garbage man
MARVIN RAINWATER my old hometown
BEE GEES please please me
SAM THE SHAM AND THE PHAROAHS i passed it by
TROGGS our love will still be there
YA HO WA 13 because
THE TRONICS flip kot secreation
This is off the top of my head, subject to change, with ridiculous inclusions
and unfortunate exclusions.
7. hello, my name is ____ _____ and i
'Journey To The End Of The Night' Celine
'The Demon' Selby
'Abel Sanchez' Unamuno
'Nightmare Alley' Gresham
'The Night (Alone)' Melzter
'A Good Man Is Hard To Find' O'Conner
'The Haunting of Hill House' Jackson
'Excuses For Being A Jerk' Ayn Rand
anything by Charles Willeford.
a. enjoyed one or more of your videos
b. would like to take the opportunity to thinly insult your videos while saying
how much better mine are and cursing you for your limited success and did i
mention that you should be thankful an artistic powerhouse like me is writing
the likes of you?
c. have obviously never seen your stuff, but i am going to pretend i have and
continue with this lie for my own personal gain because i want something that
you can possibly provide
d. am a very pleasant individual that enjoys correspondence.
e. like picking fights with strangers over the internet
f. am obviously insane, or at least very, very unintelligent
and I was wondering
a. been trying to be a director for a while, but it's tough out there in
b. really not been trying, but i like to pretend i have
c. just moved out to LA
d. just graduated from college
e. been studying diligently in my school
f. hate my school, it's like, bullshit y'know? these teachers don't know their
asses from a room temperature melon
this question will be answered by monty's personal assistant/webmaster,
a. if you could possibly help me, I just have a few intelligent questions about
things that you might be able to help me with, it would help me out a bunch
b. can you answer every question I have, because the mere fact that you have a
website and i believe, despite my lack of tact, discretion, or the understanding of the concept
that other people's time besides my own is valuable, that I have the right to
ask you anything no matter how inane, personal or easy the answer is to find
c. can you get me a job?
d. can you get me an internship?
e. can you look at my stuff?
f. can i come by your set and just visit?
mister buckles is a very busy man. he is intimately involved in all facets of
the art & entertainment industries and his various endeavors are elegantly
intertwined in the most hallowed of corridors in major academia. monty enjoys
hearing from people and corresponding with them, and although he attempts to
answer every email, he often looses interest half way through. monty would also
love to help you in anyway he can, despite you being a total stranger, but
monty's mental restroom is often occupied. in addition, monty's computer skills
are very poor, he cannot figure out how to use a spam filter properly, no mater
how slowly and patiently i explain it to him, and is deluged with inquiries
into refinancing his non-existent home and offers from people in obscure
countries to procure vast amounts of money with a minimal investment on his
part. therefore, all casual correspondence goes through me, webmaster hogarth
fiero. i will pass on all messages to mister buckles.
8. hey, didn't i illegally download a record you played on? or don't you write something that i never read? yeah man, that's like cool. y'know? [stares blankly off into space]
maybe, look here.
9. what is your contact information?
general inquiries: hogarthfiero AT earthlink DOT net
business inquiries: montybuckles AT earthlink DOT net